Actor, grave digger, Parker Pen Consultant, night-club doorman, van driver, security guard, mountaineer, thief and salesman. These are some of the things i could have been. However, leaving all promising careers behind, i decided to become one of those slightly seedy looking guys that cart guitars around airports on their way to international engagements inside the arctic circle.

One day, while skiing through the Norwegian mountains, i became buried in an avalanche for three days with nothing to do but play scrabble with myself. Unfortunately, i had forgotten to pack my travel scrabble. What could i do?

I remembered that there was a spade back at the digs (oh well, please yourselves!) and slipped back for it while no-one was looking. While i was there, i thought i might as well pick up the travel scrabble. I made it back to the avalanche and realised there was no need to dig myself out, since now i had something to do until rescue came.

It was during the following three days that i invented a whole new language "Zbbs", which was to form the basis for my fantasy novel "Mxtys kk Brrt!". This, in turn led me to becoming Travel Scrabble Champion in that language (the full size title going to the dog that finally sniffed me out).

So what have i learned during a fairly long and eventful life as a musician?

1. A life on the ocean wave is never so attractive as when there aren't any.
2. A cure for sea-sickness: Take the ticket and soak it in tomato soup like so ... they won't let you on the boat now!
3. I am living proof that Fast-Fret doesn't work (good string cleaner, though).
4. Botany: I wouldn't know a crocus if one crawled up my trouser leg.
5. Norway: There's always a drunk who staggers up to the stage and asks for Creedence. Just as you launch into "Bad Moon Rising" he disappears into the toilet. Returning at the end of the song, he demands Creedence again, even more insistently than before. So you have to play "Proud Mary" as well.
6. That's about all i've learned, really.